Gradual Detachment

Designated Audience: For friends, families and loved ones of an addict or alcoholic in denial and resistant to seek help.

In some cases where clients have approached us to assist in an intervention for a friend or loved one, it becomes apparent almost right at the outset that an intervention is probably not the best strategy, at least not at this juncture. There can be a number of reasons for this, but prime among them is extreme resistance or "resignation" on the part of the individual in question. This means that they are either completely unwilling to even discuss their addiction issues, or they've resigned themselves to the fact that "this is who and what they are - and everyone will have to accept them as such, or just leave them alone." These types of individuals tend to fluctuate between being independent one day, and needy and emotional the next.

In the case of resistance, we know that this is simply denial that there's an addiction issue to begin with, refusal to connect the problems they're experiencing with the addiction, and so on. And in the case of resignation, we also know this is one of many "mind games" the alcoholic or addict uses to "have their cake and eat it too." In other words, ideally what they want is to keep abusing the substance, have everyone leave them alone, but continue to have those same people around them whenever they're needed - physically, emotionally, or financially.

Yet we know from years of experience, tThe alcoholic or addict who boldly declares "if you can't accept me like this, then get out of my life," tends to change their tune when they need money to avoid eviction, someone to post their bail, or a shoulder to cry on at three o'clock in the morning. And these are all the eventual outcomes of an untreated addiction.

So in these cases, we began employing a program for our clients that we call "Gradual Detachment." What this program does is basically incorporate the "consequences" involved in an intervention, but instead of instantly, they're introduced gradually over an extended period of time. (45 days is typical)

During this time, we keep in almost daily contact with the family or concerned party to both react appropriately to the addict's behaviors and actions, and to help them anticipate what their next behaviors and actions are likely to be. At the same time, we are guiding the client in gradually detaching from the addict or alcoholic. In some cases, this may begin with ending all financial support for the addict. In others it may involve forcing the addict to find alternative living accommodations, transportation, etc. Essentially, the idea is to help the addict or alcoholic more closely associate their continued drinking or drugging with gradually more negative consequences and outcomes. Some clients have characterized it as allowing the alcoholic or addict to paint themselves into a corner. We prefer to view it as leading them to more rational conclusions in a shorter period of time.

An important aspect of this process is for the family or concerned party to keep a daily journal or "event diary" and it's critical for two reasons. First, it enables them to report to us what has transpired with better accuracy and less subjectivity. Secondly, it creates an accurate chronological history of the behaviors and actions of the addict or alcoholic that ultimately will be used as a persuasive tool. Keep in mind that our ultimate objective is to get the addict to see things as they really are, not how they imagine them to be. Ideally, at the conclusion of the 45 days, the addict or alcoholic should be in a frame of mind much more agreeable to seeking help.

Prior to beginning the process of gradual detachment, we try and learn as much about the individual in question as possible, as in this type of process, details and nuance are everything. In short, the more information we have, the better we can help guide the client to a successful outcome which is either an assessment, or ideally, voluntary entry to treatment.

A secondary objective of this program is to restore some normalcy and order in the lives of family and other concerned parties, and to slowly wean them away from the "addiction" they've developed toward the addict. It's also worth noting that in many cases, the gradual detachment process can reduce or completely eliminate the need for a full intervention, which typically carries a fee of between $ 2,500 and $ 5,000 (USD). So there's also a rather compelling economic incentive to consider trying this alternative first.