Addiction Recovery - Self-esteem

One of the prerequisites to having a healthy self-image is making sure that it's constantly being maintained by a healthy level of self-esteem. And contrary to popular belief, people with poor self-esteem aren't just the ones walking around with their head down and their tail between their legs. In fact, there are three major types of people with unhealthy self-esteem and you'll undoubtedly recognize people you actually know as we describe them.

This is the person who always wears a mask that conveys their really happy, successful, and "everything is going perfectly." In truth, they are almost paralyzed with fears of failure. They live day-to-day desperately trying to over-compensate for how lousy they actually feel about themselves inside. They exaggerate all their successes and minimize or completely ignore their failures. In their relentless search for perfectionism, they rarely finish things they start and they procrastinate constantly.

And why? Because inside their head, they figure if they never actually complete something for others to criticize, they'll never be criticized. These people are typically extremely frustrated (inside) because they create "no-win" situations for themselves, but outwardly, "everything is going perfectly."

This person feels they got a lousy deal in life and frankly, many of them did. Unfortunately, as they've grown up, they've become resentful of anyone else who actually did succeed. They dismiss the opinion of almost everyone, they are often hostile toward authority figures, and they pretend that the criticism they get from others doesn't hurt or affect them. But it does - deeply. And that's why they're so resentful. As far as they're concerned, it's them against the world and the world sucks. Period.

The "helpless victim" acts just like that - helpless and victimized. They can't do anything themselves and constantly waits for someone else to come to their rescue. In order to avoid being judged and taking responsibility for their life, they use self-pity to convince others they need their help. They are seemingly unable to handle anything in life and rely totally on the guidance and advice of others. Nine times out of ten, this person gets drawn into abusive relationships which often turn into co-dependent situations. As far as they're concerned, they aren't worthy of anything better - what little they get is all they deserve.

If you had to pick one common denominator amongst all addicts and alcoholics, undoubtedly, it would be low self-esteem. Low self-esteem is the perfect foundational building block for addiction because it's an emotion that keeps you in mental jail cell. And alcohol and drugs are a perfect (if temporary) "get of of jail free card."

95% of whatever level and quality of self-esteem that you have right now was created before you were ten years old, and a great deal of it was formed before you turned five. At that young age, your self-esteem and self-image were formed through "reflected appraisal" and "social comparison." What that means is this: Through "reflected appraisal," you got a sense of how competent and how accepted you were in the eyes of other people by their reactions to you and the comments they made to you. And the reactions and comments you took the most seriously, were those made by those closest to you, or the ones you considered the most valuable. (often mom and/or dad)

And you also made "social comparisons." You looked at what you did, and compared it to others of your same age group and you formed an opinion of yourself which is your self-image. So if you struck out when you were playing baseball, or you messed up during a music recital at school, this could potentially have a direct bearing on your self-esteem. Especially if that person you valued so much didn't give you any support at that critical time.

Or maybe you see ads in magazines of "beautiful people," and wish you were one. Well that can also be a false comparison, and the famous "Dove Makeover" ad in the video below will show you why:

Giving a child a big hug and reminding them that the greatest batters in the world strike out, or that some of the most famous singers in the world have forgotten their lyrics can be a life-shaping experience. Children also have to be reminded that just because you fail at something doesn't mean you're a failure as a human being. Failure is merely a part of being a human being. And a great many people in recovery from addiction were never given valuable lessons like that, or they weren't given enough of them. Nobody is good at everything, and everybody is good at something.

So in the program "Your Fair Share - Developing Healthy Self-Esteem In Recovery," the goal is to build, or re-build your self-esteem. And this is not accomplished by merely standing in front of a mirror and chanting that "you're worthy," and that "you deserve good things." And it's not done through so-called "subliminal tapes," or "positive self-talk." You can try to trick your mind and your brain that way, but talk alone doesn't work. And that's because your brain and mind aren't convinced just by talk, they're convinced by ACTION. You see, the truth is - if you want good self-esteem, you have to go out and do good and esteemful things. Don't TALK about how worthy and deserving you are, PROVE it with ACTION.

So ACTION is exactly what "Your Fair Share - Developing Healthy Self-Esteem In Recovery," is all about. It's about proving that actions speak louder than words, and actions are a lot more convincing than words. On day one of this program, you'll be amazed at how tiny the "actions" have to be in the beginning. And you'll also be amazed at how those actions will become so vital to your well-being and how you feel about yourself, you won't have to do them - they'll become something you love to do, and live to do.

And make no mistake, we didn't discover this concept ourselves. Whether you're a fan of the 12 Step movement or not, no one can deny that there's a ton of wisdom in The "Big Book" Of Alcoholics Anonymous about how to live life and be happy. And one of the foundational concepts is that "to keep what you have, you have to give it away," which is really just another way of saying if you want a good life and you want to happy with yourself, you've got to go out and help other people. That's why when most people with a lot of sobriety time are thanked for something they've done for others, they'll often reply, "Well, you're welcome, but I did it for me too because to keep what I have, I have to give it away."

This program is conducted via email, is 12 weeks in length and costs $ 75.00 (U.S.) Orders outside Canada are tax free, Canadian orders are tax included.