There is a natural tendency for kids to view their problems as unique to their era and more specifically, unique to them personally. They also have an extremely hard time relating to the fact that you were ever their age. As a result, beginning any statement with "When I was your age" tends to fall on deaf ears.
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Glenn Frey of The Eagles was constantly telling his son that in order to get good on the guitar, he had to practice. Like most kids, he ignored his Dad's advice. Then Glenn introduced his son to David Gilmour, lead guitarist of Pink Floyd, who just happened to be his son's idol. And David confirmed that to get good on the guitar, you had to practice. Glenn's son has been practicing ever since. What's the lesson here? Well, perhaps the lesson is that it's probably not a bad idea to know who your child idolizes, and why. |
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More Talk Equals Less Problems We are currently living in a society that by its very nature, promotes kids becoming more and more "peer-oriented." Many parents in the typical two-income family and single parents have less time to be with their children in a meaningful way. Either they're frequently physically unavailable, or in many cases, emotionally unavailable. Babes In The Woods Guiding Babes In The Woods? That means increasingly, instead of kids getting their orientation, direction and attachment needs met by their parents, they're getting those needs met by other children and media influences. And the bottom line is that no matter how close your child feels toward other children, or how much they identify with something or someone through the media, neither is a source of unconditional love with no agenda like a good parent is, or should be. Other children are not fully mature themselves and as a result, are incapable of providing another child with unconditional love and direction solely based on wanting the best for the other child. As for the media, obviously with extremely few exceptions, the motive is not unconditional love - it's unconditional profit. And these realities of life in the 21st century only underscore the need for parents to become engaged with their children on a meaningful level at every opportunity. Rest assured, if you do not take an active and engaged role in parenting and providing guidance for your child, (which every child inherently needs) those needs of the child will be met elsewhere. Their "surrogate" parent and guide might end up being a heavy metal band, or the Dali Lama - it might end up being the worst kid in their school, or the best kid in their school, but one way or another, your child has to attach to something and/or someone, and they will. And they will do it in a big way, with all of their heart and soul. The Constant Fear Of Not Being Included In fact, one of the reasons that so many children feel stressed today is because they constantly live in fear of losing their peer attachments. Unlike a good parent that will support and love their child no matter what happens, and is only interested in what's best for the child, peer attachments are nothing like that. Child to child relationships are fragile, tentative and very one dimensional. One week you can be the most popular kid in your "group," and the next week you can be ostracized and rejected. Kids aren't capable of providing unconditional love to each other, and that's simply because they haven't grown up yet. And if your entire life revolves around your inclusion in that "group," losing that membership can be devastating for a child. All too often today, when teen suicide notes are made public, the last words of the child were not about their parents, they were about being betrayed by their friends. Sadly, for all intents and purposes their parents were irrelevant. So while this "How To" deals with talking about drugs and alcohol, don't lose sight of the fact that the principles discussed can be applied to anything, as long as you're talking!
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