I grew up with an alcoholic father. Sometimes he was the most care-free guy in the whole world and at other times, he was a monster. Some days you couldn't shut him up, other days he was quiet and brooding. Some days he was mean, and other times he was the kindest person in the world.
So when people who had never met him would ask me what my Dad was like, eventually I started saying "Which one? I have several."
Teresa F. - Al-Anon Member & Addictions Counselor
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Alcohol, drugs, or addictive behaviors are just the "vehicle" the problem uses to express itself. An alcoholics' problem may be their drinking, but deep underneath problem drinking, is problem thinking.
And without knowing how they think and feel, all you can offer is sympathy which they interpret as just one more person who feels bad for them.
But once you really know how they think and feel inside, you can begin to give them empathy, which they just might interpret as someone who actually knows how they feel.
And to them, the difference between the two is nothing less than enormous.
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"I remember someone once saying to me when I was using that they didn't know who I was anymore. And I remember thinking, "You don't know who I am anymore? Christ, I don't even know who I am anymore."
Terry - Recovering Alcoholic
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The Visual Stereotype The Personality Traits Of The Alcoholic The purpose of this tutorial is to help you find answers to these issues and more:
Alcoholic Personality Traits Introduction At least for identification purposes, it would be convenient if every alcoholic was the person laying in the gutter with filthy clothes, or the one slurring their words and falling off their barstool. But the truth is, most alcoholics do a surprisingly good job of hiding their addiction from everyone, particularly those closest to them. And until they begin nearing "rock-bottom," they will appear quite normal most of the time - at least in public. Most alcoholics do not look like the poor soul above, someone we describe in the world of addiction recovery as a "low bottom" alcoholic or "low functioning" alcoholic. Therefore, detecting the personality traits of an alcoholic can be difficult. The truth is, the man pictured above is as representative of the average alcoholic, as a body builder is representative of the average male physique. In both cases, they are extreme examples, and certainly not the norm. The Typical Alcoholic Is Not Necessarily That Typical The fact is, the "typical" alcoholic can be virtually anyone. And when you learn that well over 70% of people with alcohol problems are employed either full or part-time, you begin to understand why most alcoholics are somewhat "invisible." And considering that it's estimated one in every thirteen people in North America either has a drinking problem or are full-blown alcoholics, we're talking about some significant numbers. "Father Knows Best" Actor Robert Young - Alcoholism
Well clearly, if you had to sit down and draw of picture of a man that appeared happy, stable, and well-adjusted, you'd end up with a picture of Robert Young. And ironically, on at least one level, he probably found it easier being an alcoholic than most people, because he was a good actor. And if you're going to be an alcoholic, being able to appear as something other than what you are, really helps, because it "comes with the territory." Secrecy and deception and cover-up are constants in the world of alcoholism and for that matter, addiction in general. Maintaining The Mask Or Facade - The High Functioning Alcoholic At the other end of the spectrum from the "low-bottom" alcoholic or addict, we have the "high functioning" type. A good example is someone like Christopher Kennedy Lawford. Chris is the son of actor Peter Lawford and the late Patricia Kennedy Lawford, sister of President John F. Kennedy. Chris completed college, law school and Harvard Medical School while admittedly under the influence of drugs and alcohol much of the time. He calls the secrecy about his alcoholism and drug problem during those years as his "facade of competency," and unfortunately, he's not unique. Go to any "open" meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous or Cocaine Anonymous and you're likely to hear people from all walks of life share their addiction story - doctors, lawyers, judges, psychiatrists - no one is immune because of social status. As a result, going merely by the outer visible signs, it's often hard to tell if someone is headed towards problems with their drinking and this is why it's frequently not until someone hits some level of "rock bottom" that we find out how severe their problem was. "You've Probably Been Wondering Where I've Been...." Alcoholism And Drug Addictions Are Based In Secrecy Those of us that have actually been in alcohol or drug treatment facilities and "detox" centers can assure you that it's not unusual to see people phone their family to let them know where they are, and the family is totally shocked. In many cases, for years and even decades the alcoholism was so well hidden, and was such a tightly guarded secret, the family just never knew, and often never even had an inkling there was a problem. As stated above, secrecy and addiction go hand in hand, and alcoholics and addicts are good at lying and keeping secrets, it because they do it full time. Beyond Appearances Hidden Signs Of Alcoholism And Drug Addiction Obviously, in a perfect world we'd like to be able to help someone before we got a phone call from them announcing they had admitted themselves into a detox facility, but how do we do that if they're so good at hiding their problem? Well, it turns out that there are other signs and indications of alcoholism, and these concern what's going on inside the mind of the person in question. And once you gain an understanding of how that mind works, and how an alcoholic thinks, it becomes much easier to see that someone is either heading toward alcoholism, or has already arrived. And perhaps more importantly, once you truly understand the alcoholic mind, and "alcoholic logic," you become far better equipped to support them emotionally and help them help themselves. Is Alcoholism The Result Of Nature Or Nurture? The debate as to whether alcoholism is a product of nature (genetic) or nurture (life experiences and upbringing) or a blend of the two, shows no signs of abating any time soon. However, amongst virtually all professionals in the addictions field, you'll find agreement that there is at the very least, a strong genetic component to addiction in general. Some people just seem to be more predisposed or vulnerable to addiction. We have identified certain genes and markers for various addictions, and we know that this genetic factor helps the substance or addiction "vehicle" literally hijack the brain. Owing to modern technology, addiction can now be actually "seen" on brain scans. We feel that the nature or nurture question about addiction doesn't really have to be an "either/or" question, because we look at the nature/nurture question like this: Your genes give you the "gun," but your environment, and how well you cope with your environment, dictate whether or not the trigger gets pulled. So if you inherited the genetic "gun" for addiction, and you respond poorly to your environment with poor or substandard coping and problem-solving skills, you would obviously be at risk for solving your problem by "medicating" them away. In effect, the "trigger" gets pulled. That's why in recovery, we say that no matter what "thing" you're addicted to, the "thing" is not the problem, it's the symptom of the problem. The real problem is "how you solve your problems." And how you solve your problems is by avoiding them, softening them, or making them go away temporarily with your "medication" of choice. The commonality among an alcoholic, a cocaine addict, a compulsive gambler and someone internet chatting for twenty hours a day is that they're all avoid the ugliness of their perception of life by "medicating." And ultimately, every time they "medicate," their brain is responding by the release of chemicals, not least among them, dopamine and seratonin. The brain becomes adapted to this, and ultimately, it's the only thing it's concerned with. The modern, or thinking part of the brain that normally says "No," "think about this for a minute," what are the consequences?" becomes compromised, and allows the ancient, impulsive "Go" part of the brain to take over. The bottom-line? When you are dealing with an alcoholic or addict you are dealing with someone suffering from a compromised brain. If you want to call that a disease, so be it, but once they reach that stage, the normal rules of behavior, conduct and logic go out the window. Do not expect an alcoholic or drug addict to think logically or rationally about what they are doing to themselves and those around them.
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