You see, they think that by adding surface accessories and fancy "window treatments" to the existing mess, they're going to transform their disaster of a house into something you'd see on the cover of Better Homes & Gardens. And what they don't understand is that beautiful rooms and beautiful houses aren't created just with accessories and "window-treatments" alone - you have to start with at least a few fundamentals.

And that includes fixing your foundation, cleaning things, removing the clutter, throwing away what doesn't work anymore, and getting organized. Then once that's looked after AND maintained, then you start worrying about things like paint, wallpaper, accessories, and details.

I mean, if you don't look after the basics, and your fundamental nature is to be a slob, no matter what you buy to improve the look of your house, it's always going to look like a pig-sty. Until you change your fundamental nature, and the way you look at things, nothing else changes - at least not for very long. And above all else, you can't build anything that will stand for very long when it's built on a faulty foundation.

Successful Recovery From Drug Addiction

And Alcoholism Starts At The Foundation

And it reminded me that it's exactly the same in recovery from addiction for many people. You can't just change the "accessories," or "window treatments" in your life, you have to change your base foundation, and the fundamental issues built on that foundation. You have to remove the clutter, discard what no longer works, and get your house in order. That's because addiction isn't the problem, it's the SYMPTOM of the problem, or how the problem expresses itself.

And you can take up permanent residence in a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, Cocaine Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, or Crystal Meth Anonymous, but if you still suffer from chronically poor self-image, self-esteem, depression, anxiety, or any other number of issues that are underneath the addiction, you're ultimately going to go back to medicating that problem away. And believe me, I've seen it a thousand times both in my work at All Positive Options, and within the Fellowships I belong to.

Faulty Vision Or Perception In Recovery Is Dangerous

I've seen people in recovery who re-established their career, their relationships, taken care of their debts and a whole lot of other "accessories" and still, seemingly out of the blue, they relapsed. And even though dealing with issues like debts, and career, and relationships are really important, if you're still foundationally perceiving things through the same fundamentally faulty vision, you're going to find a coping mechanism.  And typically, that coping mechanism is what you're used to using, and that means our old "medication of choice."

And in the case of many addicts and alcoholics in recovery, that faulty vision includes still seeing yourself as unworthy, seeing yourself as weak-willed, a "born-addict," and only deserving what little you get out of life.

In fact, I think it's accurate to say that about 95% of the people who sign up for our programs at All Positive Options on self-esteem and self-image have already been through treatment. And that's not suggesting that a typical course of treatment doesn't work, it's simply acknowledging that most alcohol and treatment programs generally only have enough time to address your substance abuse problem. But the problems that caused the drug and drinking problems lie deeper within you, and take longer to understand and heal.  And sometimes, those are the real issues we don't want to face, and are most responsible for always leading us down the wrong paths.

Putting Band-Aids On Broken Arms

So to make up for it, quite often people in recovery (and in my experience, particularly men) try to build up their self-esteem by buying accessories as soon as they have a little clean time. These are the things that they think will "buy" them back into mainstream society. As a result, if you want to see what the very latest cell phones look like, you'll often find them at men's sober-living houses, because ego-building accessories seem to be the first thing many men in recovery buy once they've got some clean time under their belt.  (or under their swim-suit.)

And there are other kinds of "window treatments" or accessories that people acquire for their "house of recovery." As I said, they'll go to meetings almost every day, they'll immediately want to start sponsoring someone else, and many start talking about a career in addictions. And while these are all admirable goals, they're a lot like our friend's house. Some people's recovery is like a wobbly chair with a satin cover on it. It looks good on the surface, right before it falls apart.  Some refer to it as "the illusion of addiction recovery."

There's A Difference Between Being Clean & Being Sober

To me, that's the difference between being "clean," and being "clean and sober." Being clean means that you no longer have drugs and alcohol wreaking havoc on your system because they're out of your system.  But getting "sober" is about your thinking, how you deal with problems, how you perceive yourself, and your ability to make good decisions and become aware of consequences. That's part of your foundation for your recovery from alcohol or drugs.

Just look at it this way. If you start building a house, and the foundation is tilted just one degree off perfectly level, by the time you've built up to the sixth or seventh story, you're off by about ten degrees. And your new life in recovery is the same. If the foundation is off at the beginning, everything you build on top of that foundation is also off. And the more you build, the more "off" it becomes.  And sooner or later, things like that fall, it's just a matter of time.

In Recovery, It's "First Things First"

If you, or someone you love is in early recovery, I urge you to focus first on the fundamentals of your "house of recovery," and at least in the early days, ignore the accessories and window treatments. Fix your foundation, clean your house, remove the clutter from it, throw away what doesn't work, and organize what does.  And then daily, work to keep it that way, and make no mistake, it does take some work.

And then, and only then should you care about "accessories." Because then and only then will accessories matter, or even last. And remember, once you've built that strong, level foundation, you can build anything you want on top of it, because the sky is the limit - literally and figuratively.

Erin Anderson is the Online Group Coordinator at All Positive Options and administers many of our E-Programs. She was also a principal contributor to the new All Positive Options - "Bridges To Recovery Series" of online programs.

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