Having spent many years in recovery, time and time again I see people who object to the fact that many of us refer to ourselves as a "recovering" alcoholic, or "recovering" addict, instead of a "recovered" alcoholic, or recovered addict. I've actually had people ask me, "How can you be clean and sober for fourteen years, and still say that you're a 'recovering" addict?' Obviously, you're recovered!" Well, I'll tell you what I tell them.

Hello Relapse

In my experience, as soon as I hear someone declare that they are fully recovered from alcoholism or drug addiction, that's when I can be almost certain that a relapse is coming in the near future. I happen to share the view that when I crossed the threshold of addiction, that little internal "thermostat" that used to be my "stop" system broke, and can never really be completely fixed.

And it's really no problem, as long as I stay aware that unlike "normal" people, whose internal thermostat for drugs and alcohol works fine and always has worked fine, mine is broken when it comes to alcohol and drugs. And I'm specifically saying "when it comes to alcohol and drugs," because for other things, my thermostat works perfectly.  For example, for food, my thermostat or "stop system" works just fine - I'm not a compulsive eater, or a binge eater. However, there are many people who can control what they drink, or what they do in the way of drugs, but they can't stop eating. Essentially, their drug is food. And for others it might be something else.  , there are lots of types of 's sex, or being on the internet, etc. etc.

As Jim Stephens, our Chief Information Officer at All Positive Options says, "addiction is a way that we use to get from Point A to Point B psychologically, and to feel 'better.'  And we all choose different 'vehicles' to do that."

And he's right. And my "vehicles" happen to be drugs (cocaine) and alcohol.  So as long as I don't get into those "vehicles," I'm never going to end up where those vehicles take me - which is definitely where I don't want to be.  But for me, as soon as I say, "Okay, I used to not be able to ride in those vehicles, but now I'm okay, that's when I'm screwed, because that's basically when I'm denying that I'm an addict.

I'm writing this piece in May of 2008, and just a few days ago, Steven Tyler of Aerosmith evidently checked into rehab after being clean and sober since 1987. That's 21 years ago! And I don't know the circumstances of why Steven relapsed, or if he was just worried he might. But it proves that no matter how long you've been clean and sober, you're never "immune."  And there are lot of other examples of very well-known people who, after years and years of being clean and sober, suffer a relapse.  Just ask Robin Williams and many, many others.  And it doesn't mean they're weak - it means they're human.  "Success" in recovery is a two-part process.  The first part is having the courage to stay clean and sober.  The second part is having the courage to get back up when you fall down.

It's All About How You Look At It

Unfortunately, some people find the idea of recovery being a life-long process depressing, because it means you're never "cured."  And when you're an eighteen or nineteen year old kid, I know that's tough, cause' you're under a lot of pressure, and "life-long" mean a lot longer for you.  And I also know that addicts and alcoholics HATE the word "no," and the only thing they hate worse than the word "no" is when you add the word "forever" to it. But you can't be "a little bit addicted," any more than you can be "a little bit pregnant."

So if you're someone that has to avoid certain "vehicles of choice," don't think "never again," or "can't forever," because I don't look at it that way, and neither should you.  I don't know what I'm going to do next month, next week, or even tomorrow.  But I'll tell you what I'm not going to do today.  Today, I'm not going to use drugs or alcohol.  That's it - just today.  And I can handle "just today," and I've been "handling today" for fourteen years now.  And I know it sounds trite, and over-used, and overly simple, but it really doesn boil down to one day at a time.

Before You Write

Now before I get a hundred emails telling me that I'm wrong, and that there are "programs" out there that supposedly can "cure" you of addiction, please understand something.  I'm just going by my own personal experience, which includes being in recovery for fourteen years, as well as working with thousands of alcoholics and addicts every year through All Positive Options.

And in my opinion, if you went through rehab, and came back out and were able to use alcohol or drugs again in a responsible, controlled manner with no negative consequences, then you weren't addicted in the first place. You might have been physically dependent, but you weren't addicted - and there's a huge difference.  And I also notice that all these people claiming a cure never tend to have alumni meetings, and I wonder if that's because there aren't enough people to form a group.

As Steven Tyler might tell you: If you think that you're cured just because you've got a lot of years clean and sober behind you, "Dream On."  Once it's hijacked your brain, the addiction is always there, fully prepared to become active again.  But you've got the key to its cell, and only you can give it the freedom to re-enter your life and begin destroying it again.  And in my opinion, leaving the door to that cell slightly open is how it starts.  

Lastly, all of us at All Positive Options wish Steven Tyler well and look forward to him getting back at what he and Aerosmith do so incredibly well.

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