Having spent almost seven years now in recovery from alcoholism, it’s become increasingly apparent to me how critical the first steps are for people just making the decision to take back their life from addiction. This is the time of the most confusion, guilt, regret and uncertainty. I compare it to standing on the high diving board when you were a kid, not knowing whether you’re going to take that scary jump, or back away and spend the next few years kicking yourself for not having had the courage to take the plunge.

But while the decision to enter recovery from alcoholism or drug addiction does take courage, it also takes something best summed up as "resolve." The dictionary has several definitions for the word "resolve," but the most common is "to make a firm decision about something." And in order to go into recovery with the right attitude, there has to be a firm resolve or decision on the part of the individual that this is now the only way. We usually come to this conclusion when we realize that life “under the influence” truly has become unmanageable, and gradually things are slipping away. And it usually involves a little “wake-up” call of one description or another that helps us make that decision and acquire that resolve.

The wake-up call might be the threat of losing your job, the loss of a relationship or marriage, kids being taken away, or even loss of freedom because of a jail sentence. But slowly but surely, addiction will take them all away. It would be nice if it happened fast, in a big way, because at least then we could actually detect that something had changed and react. But addiction doesn’t work that way - it moves like the hour hand on a clock. You can’t see it moving, but all of a sudden you look up, and time is up. It might take years, it might take decades, but addiction is very patient and it will wait as long as it takes. In the end, if left untreated, addiction always wins - it has a flawless track record.

In one sense, that's why binge drinkers are the hardest type of alcoholic to treat.  Because they don't drink every day, and sometimes go weeks withiut drining, they're constantly getting false feedback and reinforcement from their problem that they don't have a problem.  Their brain is always saying, "See, you went two weeks without a drink - how can you be an alcoholic?

Well....you can.  And what's really bizarre is that addiction is really the only disease or disorder (or whatever you want to call it) that constantly tries to convince you that you don't have it. While addiction is destroying you, it never let's you consider what you've already lost, because it's always busy reminding you of what you haven't lost yet. And that’s why people who are new to recovery have to become familiar with the word “yet,” because “yet” plays a big role in addiction.

You see, as we descend deeper and deeper into addiction, and because it's actually made adaptations in our brain, it keeps trying to convince us that it’s not really all that bad. It will keep reminding us that we haven’t lost our job, or we haven’t lost our house, or credit card privileges, or car, or our spouse, or partner, or kids. Or we haven’t been stopped for DUI, or killed anybody while drunk driving. So no matter what we’ve already lost, the addiction will keep reminding us of what we haven’t lost. Even if you've lost everything but your own life, the "voice" of addiction will keep saying, "Well, at least you're alive and not dead."

As a result, “yet” is the word you have to add at the end of every one of those statements in the previous paragraph. You haven’t lost your job - YET. You haven’t lost your house, YET. You haven’t lost your credit, your car, spouse, partner, or kids - YET. And you haven’t been stopped for DUI, or killed anybody while under the influence - YET.  But you will.  And that's not meant to scare anyone - it's just a statement of fact.  Once you're on the road of addiction, there are only really four exits.  One is jail, two is some type of institution, three is getting help and treatment, and four is death.  People suffering from heroin addiction, pain pill addiction, meth addiction, cocaine addiction and alcoholism have one thing in common.  They're all going to end up at one of those "exits."  And no matter how much you fear the pain of treatment, it's a better place to get off the road of addiction than the other three, and the only exit from addiction that will put you back on the road of life.  Not the life you had, the new life you're going to build .

So what you must know is that ultimately, addiction will not “share” you with anyone, or anything - it has to assume total control and have 100% of you. And that means that if you allow it to, it will take everything, because that’s the way it works, and that’s always the way it works.  Once it's fully entrenched, addiction positions itself in your brain as something that's absolutely necessary for survival.  It joins company with such fundamental needs as food, water, shelter and reproduction.  In fact, in many cases, it actually takes precedence over them, becoming even more important than the essentials of life.  And addiction doesn't just alter how you think now, it alters how you remember things from the past.  And on the next page, we'll look at how addiction is an expert at giving you "selective" memory.

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